skip to main |
skip to sidebar
I am so tired of being hurt and angry all the time. I know how to let it go, but it won't go. I know who to let it go to, but I cannot release it. I have been letting myself get involved with people who always manage to hurt me. I rely that they are my friend, I open up and share, then they ignore my feelings or me altogether. I guess that stems from always wanting everybody to like me. Well that is not reality. It is also why I have very few friends, and I wonder about them sometimes. I know that when you put your faith in man, you will get burned, but don't we all feel the need to have someone that we can rely on and confide in that is here with us. Didn't Jesus say to lift one another up and bear one another's burdens?
(This is a post that I started 2 months ago, but God stopped me from finishing. I believe it is because I was writing out of hurt feelings and not allowing the Holy Spirit to direct me).
As I have shared before, I have been on a different journey for a while. I have read scripture and some amazing books, trying to listen to what God was directing me to do. I know that scripture interprets scripture. You can read commentaries until the second coming and they are still going to be man's opinion of the scripture. I also know that the man in the pulpit, is just that, a man. I am not to blindly follow everything that comes from him, but to measure it to God's Word.
That being said, I had been caught up in the "religious" Merry Go Round. Meaning I had tried to keep earning my way to God, by doing good works. When I didn't measure up, I got depressed and felt like a failure and unworthy of His love. So I slapped Him in the face and told Him that dying on the cross, once and for all, was not good enough for me. I had been caught up in performing for those around me and showing them that my works will show my worth. I would repent, rededicate myself to Him, then when I failed again, the vicious cycle would start all over. I have gotten off of that ride and I am now letting His Grace flow.
I had an indication of being on that ride over five years ago, but dismissed the idea and the urging of the Holy Spirit. I had always been in churches that succumbed to the "we are known by our fruits" philosophy. On the surface, to a young christian, that seems reasonable. But I now know that philosophy can quickly turn to legalism and rituals, if not presented to the new christian through His grace. Grace is Jesus, not a doctrine that we learn. I have been shown that over the last few months and it is very freeing. I will write more about that at a later date. Thanks for stopping by.
